Hey Ren - so there's lots here I like - the reversed universe for example - but you've got a series of events here as opposed to coherent story; you've also got a cast of 1000s and if you were prepping a 3D animated short in real terms, you'd probably be best off avoiding that approach!
You know, I can't help feeling that the key to shrinking this down to something more manageable - while also working more satisfyingly with the two minute run time - is to reverse your structure a bit. I can't help feeling that the 'reveal' that the zoo is a human zoo - more of a concentration camp really! - should come at the end as some kind of punchline or reframing of what we've just seen. I'm just going to throw a scenario out which might illustrate my point helpfully; so...
We see an alien in a ticket booth outside of a zoo. We know it's a zoo, because we can see the sign and not much else. The alien in the booth is looking bored; it's a slow day. Another alien in overalls approaches the booth, says something like 'Hello, Bob.' The other alien says 'Hello Earl. Bob says 'Good day?' Earl replies, 'Bit slow.' Bob says 'Do you need the key?' Earl says 'Yeah.' Bob says 'Got problems?' Earl says, 'Yeah, it's the enclosure by the restaurant again. They've made a hole. They're trying to get out.' Bob hands the other alien in the overalls a key. We watch as Earl unlocks a cupboard at the back of the booth, and out if it takes an alarming looking cattle-prod/gun/man-trap thing. This happens slowly, with the alien becoming more and more ladened with terrifying gadgets. 'Is that you done then?' Bob asks. 'Yeah,' Earl says, locking the cupboard again. 'Right then,' Earl says. 'I best make a start.' 'Yup,' says Bob. So we see Earl turn around and this is when we see the words 'pest controller' on the back of his overalls. Earl leaves. The camera stays on Bob as Earl walks away. Bob yawns. He looks bored. Off screen we suddenly here the sound of laser-beams being discharged and men and women screaming... the camera tracks up slowly away from Bob and the booth to show us more of the zoo, which as the camera moves higher, we see is a 'human zoo' and we also see that Earl is happily shooting the men and women who are climbing out of one of the enclosures and running for their lives...
Here, I've sought to limit the environment and also make the final act more proactive and revealing. Like I said, I think the reversal of the human zoo and the escaping humans is all good... I think the trick to your story is where you actually put that information and how you use it...
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OGR 23/01/2019
ReplyDeleteHey Ren - so there's lots here I like - the reversed universe for example - but you've got a series of events here as opposed to coherent story; you've also got a cast of 1000s and if you were prepping a 3D animated short in real terms, you'd probably be best off avoiding that approach!
You know, I can't help feeling that the key to shrinking this down to something more manageable - while also working more satisfyingly with the two minute run time - is to reverse your structure a bit. I can't help feeling that the 'reveal' that the zoo is a human zoo - more of a concentration camp really! - should come at the end as some kind of punchline or reframing of what we've just seen. I'm just going to throw a scenario out which might illustrate my point helpfully; so...
We see an alien in a ticket booth outside of a zoo. We know it's a zoo, because we can see the sign and not much else. The alien in the booth is looking bored; it's a slow day. Another alien in overalls approaches the booth, says something like 'Hello, Bob.' The other alien says 'Hello Earl. Bob says 'Good day?' Earl replies, 'Bit slow.' Bob says 'Do you need the key?' Earl says 'Yeah.' Bob says 'Got problems?' Earl says, 'Yeah, it's the enclosure by the restaurant again. They've made a hole. They're trying to get out.' Bob hands the other alien in the overalls a key. We watch as Earl unlocks a cupboard at the back of the booth, and out if it takes an alarming looking cattle-prod/gun/man-trap thing. This happens slowly, with the alien becoming more and more ladened with terrifying gadgets. 'Is that you done then?' Bob asks. 'Yeah,' Earl says, locking the cupboard again. 'Right then,' Earl says. 'I best make a start.' 'Yup,' says Bob. So we see Earl turn around and this is when we see the words 'pest controller' on the back of his overalls. Earl leaves. The camera stays on Bob as Earl walks away. Bob yawns. He looks bored. Off screen we suddenly here the sound of laser-beams being discharged and men and women screaming... the camera tracks up slowly away from Bob and the booth to show us more of the zoo, which as the camera moves higher, we see is a 'human zoo' and we also see that Earl is happily shooting the men and women who are climbing out of one of the enclosures and running for their lives...
Here, I've sought to limit the environment and also make the final act more proactive and revealing. Like I said, I think the reversal of the human zoo and the escaping humans is all good... I think the trick to your story is where you actually put that information and how you use it...
Okay! So my ideas are kinda there- just some plot/timing rearranging for a better reveal? I like what you're saying!
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